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    no place to call home

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    bella

    Posts : 120
    Join date : 2009-04-04
    Age : 22
    Location : writing storys, or in my own world

    no place to call home

    Post  bella on Sat Apr 04, 2009 6:07 am

    (i will add to the story as i go on please tell me what you think because i wish to be a writer when i am older)

    chapter 1- the back street
    i walked through the lonely dark back streets the walls seemed to swallow up the sun and life of the world around me, i looked to the light at the end of the street and sighed, maybe the world still was alive, i began to run at top speed towards the light, i gasped as i went flying through he air and landed on the hard cement, i growned in pain and rolled onto my back, a sharp stabbing feeling in my stomach erupted and i whimpered in pain and curled into a ball, my hands wrapped around my stomach, "why does this all ways happen?" i asked myself. i lost track of time and finely opened my eyes the street seemed darker then it was before, i jumped to my feet without thinking then grabbed my stomach and clenched it hard, i looked at where the light was before, now it was gone. i stumbled towards the darkness until i was free.
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    lilfate
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    Join date : 2009-03-25

    Re: no place to call home

    Post  lilfate on Sun Apr 19, 2009 8:37 pm

    Its good, needs a little work, but its good. Your on your way to being a great writer. I myself am not the best of the best but that still doesn't stop me from writing. Some tips might help you on your way. Use more periods then commas, as well, try to use other words then 'and.' As repeating words sometimes dulls the story. When a character is talking, hit that enter key like your starting a new paragraph, it helps the reader follow alone better. Other then that, its coming alone great.
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    bella

    Posts : 120
    Join date : 2009-04-04
    Age : 22
    Location : writing storys, or in my own world

    Re: no place to call home

    Post  bella on Mon Apr 20, 2009 12:47 am

    (thanks i write a better version of this on my computer its about a boy that turns into a cat, i got the idear after writing this. and thanks for the tips)
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    lilfate
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    Re: no place to call home

    Post  lilfate on Mon Apr 20, 2009 4:00 pm

    No problem! I hope to see more of this story. Very Happy
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    bella

    Posts : 120
    Join date : 2009-04-04
    Age : 22
    Location : writing storys, or in my own world

    Re: no place to call home

    Post  bella on Mon Apr 20, 2009 8:01 pm

    i look around down the road. a small bmw drives past spraying me with water. i grown and begin to stumble down the road. 'maybe i can get a lift to a shelter' i think to myself. a large truck begins to come down the road. i run tot he side of the road and wave my arms to it, the truck slowly haults and i climb in the back. i look around at the wheet bags around me. i yawn and lean back on one of them and fall asleep.
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    lilfate
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    Re: no place to call home

    Post  lilfate on Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:27 pm

    Keep going please!! Very Happy
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    bella

    Posts : 120
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    Location : writing storys, or in my own world

    Re: no place to call home

    Post  bella on Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:48 pm

    i will normaly i come up with idears randomly. lol
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    lilfate
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    Re: no place to call home

    Post  lilfate on Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:54 pm

    XD random is good! Thats how I write my fanfics. I might throw them up here... Maybe... We'll see Wink

    But! I await for your next installment! Very Happy
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    bella

    Posts : 120
    Join date : 2009-04-04
    Age : 22
    Location : writing storys, or in my own world

    Re: no place to call home

    Post  bella on Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:56 pm

    ok *starts thinking*
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    lilfate
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    Re: no place to call home

    Post  lilfate on Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:58 pm

    Take your time, no need to rush. The best stories written have a lot of thought put into them, even if they are random. XD

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